Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
