I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
