she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
