my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
