I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
