moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
