Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Randomize
