is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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