i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
