That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
