i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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