i need an iv and a liver transplant
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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