Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
