I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
