my sisters under your porch take her home
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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