This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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