We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
