Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
