I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
