decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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