After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
