Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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