Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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