he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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