It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
