I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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