i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
