my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
