I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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