I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
