just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
