just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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