Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
