Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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