Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
