im about as happy as oj after his trial
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
