we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
