It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
