i was born a porn star she said
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
