My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
