I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
