3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
