The maid of honor just puked.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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