Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Randomize
