He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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