A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
