is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
