someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
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