cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
