Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
