How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
