Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
