how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
