I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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