opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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