but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
